They thought I was controlling…when I was just #ActuallyAutistic

the silent wave

I didn’t know much.  I just knew that having my toys (or later, clothes) and other belongings organized felt good.  Seeing them lined up like that, according to color, shape, size, utility, and so on, was calming to look at.  Doing so brought a feeling of contentment.  In fact, when everything was ordered neatly, I found myself wanting to look at it.

It’s not that I was materialistic.  It’s not that I was admiring my Stuff with a pretentious “wow – look what I’ve got” pride.

It was that finally, something in my life made sense.  The order I had put everything into was logical.  It could be quantified, classified.  It could be counted on.  It was accounted for.  It was stable.

I felt empowered; I had done that!  The accomplishment, the achievement, brought a sense of humble pride, the kind that comes with self-reliance.

Most importantly, these senses of…

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