Life in Extremes: An Autistic Poem

So Much Stranger, So Much Darker, So Much Madder, So Much Better

It’s a life lived in extremes

Extreme emotions, extreme senses

Ever changing, always interesting

Emotions flow readily and rapidly

Swinging from the heights of joy

To the depths of dark despair

Happiness radiates and resonates

Growing to exuberance

Until it must be released

Flapping hands create a dance

Bouncing bodies move to the rhythm

Of joy unable to be held within

Despair plummets the soul

Deep into the deepest pit

A crushing darkness overwhelming

Bodies move to ease the pain

Rocking, flapping, hitting, kicking

Trying to escape the pit

Senses fluctuate and change

From too much, too much

To not enough, never enough

Small sounds can cause pain

But also can the ears hear

Exquisite beauty unknown

Sometimes ears hear not enough

Needing something more

The right sounds bringing such joy

Touch can be so sensitive

The brushing of clothes

Is completely intolerable

But also the right touch

The just…

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The #ActuallyAutistic hashtag is *only* for actually-autistic people

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the silent wave

Dear neurotypical people on social media,

I know that you’re passionate about autism.  Maybe your child is autistic.  Or maybe your sibling is autistic.  Maybe your job involves autism and/or autistic people – perhaps you’re a doctor, counselor, educator, other school faculty, occupational therapist, or maybe even an author, journalist, or researcher.  Or maybe you’re interested in the subject out of sheer curiosity.

I applaud you in your curiosity….that is, if you’re actually working for us, in our best interests and out of full respect for our wishes.  If your hearts are truly in the right place and you don’t consider the autism spectrum to be the Next Great Plague Sweeping the Nation, then I’m all for your involvement…

…as long as you’re also stepping aside and letting us speak, genuinely listening to us, acting out of respect for us, and truly seeking to learn and support.  As long as…

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Anonymously Autistic

So many misunderstandings.

People read too much into meaningless things.

If I don’t look at you when you speak

you assume I’m not listening.

When my body language

doesn’t do what you’d expect

or when I laugh in the wrong moment.

If I say something using the wrong tone

you may think I’m rude.

If I cannot speak

I must be hiding something.

Over and over,

we confuse each other.

When I take something you say literally,

or my brain skips hearing words as you say them.

Sometimes I need time to process.

If I don’t get it

we’ll both stay confused.

Sometimes I can’t explain myself.

Please trust me.

Sometimes I process things on a delay.

Maybe we can talk about it another day – maybe not.

I’m not ignoring you or trying to

leave you hanging.

If I look confused, I probably am.

Give me time to figure…

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Stop Telling Disabled People We Can Do Anything by Force of Will

Paginated Thoughts

Trying to Do What I Simply Could Not

On Monday, October 10, I accidentally gave myself a concussion. It was not glamorous as people would have you believe; I concussed myself on a wall of all things. I collected myself, went to work, and then work convinced me to go to urgent care after a persistent headache for three hours.

That is what I remember of Monday. It’s a really great thing that they gave me super detailed discharge instructions, because I remember almost nothing of being seen at the urgent care place. I don’t really remember Tuesday, but I’m pretty sure I slept for most of it. On Wednesday I went to therapy and to a psychiatry appointment to get my ADHD and other psych meds. I don’t remember much of what was said during either of them. I do remember not being able to sleep more than six…

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Mental health rant

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sunflower smile

Ok, so this is a first for me. I’m not a writer (I totally suck), neither have I ever ‘blogged’ before, is there even a right way to blog? If there is I am probably about to fail big time! Either way I thought I’d give something new ago, new year and all that BS, so to whom ever is reading this bare with.

It’s beyond hard to think positive and be genuinely happy when you feel like absolute sh*t inside and would rather be cuddled up in bed hiding away from the world. But outcomes the brave face just to satisfy everyone around you (family, friends, co-workers, tutors, ect) It’s almost impossible to function the majority of the time, but somewhere within those shaded thoughts and grim feelings I sometimes manage to find some motivation to get up and out of bed to do things. But when I don’t, I get mistaken…

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